[opening theme song]
Would somebody please cue that bird?
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats Oooh yeah! ♪
♪ Who do you call When you want some pepperoni? ♪
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats Right on! ♪
♪ They're stepping out crime ♪
♪ And you know That ain't baloney ♪
♪ There's Speedy Cerviche He's the leader of the bunch ♪
♪ That's right! A heck of a fighter ♪
♪ Makes a heck of a lunch ♪
♪ And little Polly Esther ♪
♪ Who's never afraid ♪ That's me!
♪ Of going into battle when the bad guys invade ♪
♪ Here's Guido Anchovy A wild romantic rover ♪
♪ This cat gets down down With a love hangover ♪
♪ Here come the Pizza Cats They're so bad ♪
♪ They've got more fur Than any turtle ever had ♪
♪ They're stronger Than old cheese ♪
♪ Stronger than old cheese ♪
♪ Stronger than dirt Stronger than dirt ♪
♪ Step on their tails Get off my tail ♪
♪ And you're gonna get hurt Don't hurt me! ♪
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats ♪
♪ They're fighting crime All over town ♪
♪ Three, two, one The Pizza Cats are on the run ♪
♪ The Big Cheese is the villain Who's lower than low ♪
♪ It's a rotten shame He lives in Little Tokyo ♪
♪ We've got a nasty Bad Bird And some nasty Ninja Crows ♪
♪ As soon as someone Finds the script ♪
♪ We might begin the show ♪
♪ Sit back and rest your feet And turn the sound up high ♪
♪ And if you want The full effect ♪
♪ Go eat a pizza pie Ha ha ha ♪
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats ♪
[narrator] As the sun rises over Little Tokyo,
another mechanical monster is wreaking havoc
on the countryside. Who do you suppose
is responsible this time?
[laughs] Who else? Tis I, the star of the show.
[narrator] Read your contract! It says "Guest villain".
Here come the real stars, the Samurai Pizza Cats!
Oh God!
[screaming]
[loud crash] [screams]
[thud] Ouch.
[screams]
I'm the top cat around here, and I'm not kitten.
If you wanna be a star, go find yourselves another series.
[evil laughter]
Quit overacting.
[narrator] You know what comes next, fans.
Speedy reaches for his magical Ginzu sword.
[energetic music]
[meowing] Now I'm ready for anything!
[shouts]
[explosion]
[screams]
Now, who's the star of this show?
[together] Ta-da!
Wait, I'm going to show them
there's more than one way to skin a Samurai Pizza Cat.
[sneezes]
[narrator] And now, for the wonder of us
to the day special effects,
we'll take you deep underground to the secret hideout
of Big Cheese and his corporate criminals,
where the humiliated Bad Bird
will have to try to justify a lifetime of failures.
Alas, alas! Poor me, got to think "Where did I fail?"
I'm glad my papa can't see me now,
he had such high hopes for me when I was a kid.
I was so bad, I was always the one who made rude noises
in the back of the classroom.
But it wasn't easy living up to the bad example papa gave us.
He was the baddest of the bad.
[all] Three cheers for papa!
My old man... he was the original Dirty Bird,
and all of us kids looked up to him as our hero.
When I grow up will I be as bad as you are, papa?
Hm-mm.
I was determined to become a public enemy
and make papa proud.
What happened? I failed, but why?
Because of those Samurai Pizza Cats!
[animated music]
You have my promise, papa. I won't fail again,
those Pizza Cats are better watch off now,
no power on earth can stop me when I'm inspir-- [screams]
[humorous music] [distant thud]
[muffled] It's the last time
I let a producer talk me into doing my own stunts.
There's supposed to be a mattress here!
[thud] [moans weakly]
[Elisabeth] Did you hear the news, Matilda?
They say there's a ship in the harbor
that's carrying a nuclear potato!
Yes Elisabeth, I heard about it,
but I've never been very interested
in radioactive vegetables.
I'd much rather talk about manicures.
Come on Guido,
I was really looking forward to seeing that nuclear potato.
Forget about it, Speedy.
That ship's on my delivery route.
-[Speedy giggles] -[gasps]
-Got you! [giggles] -Hey!
He fell for it. Ouch!
Well, Speedy, I hope you enjoyed your trip.
-Give me-- -No! Why should I?
I'll hold my breath!
[both gasp] [Speedy] Now you've done it!
[narrator] Polly is faced with a difficult decision.
Should she give the pizza to Speedy or to Guido?
Suddenly a compromise occurs to her.
I'll just deliver this one myself.
-What? -Wait, that's not in the script,
you're ad-libbing.
-Yeah, give me that pizza-- -Hand it over Polly--
[both gasp and scream]
[Francine on speaker] It's time to deliver,
not a moment to spare,
good golly, Miss Polly, get out of there!
[cheerful music]
Look mom, Polly can jump higher than the Empire State Building.
I didn't know the Empire State Building could jump.
[Polly] There it is! The nuclear potato ship!
I hate to sound suspicious, but something tells me
the Big Cheese might be involved in this.
[narrator] Is Polly right?
Is the Big Cheese involved in this?
Well, if he isn't, we won't have much of a story, folks.
Let's look in on his palatially pretentious pagoda,
where corporate crooks are cooking up
cunning criminal caveats.
Let me summarize the deal in a nutshell, Emperor Fred.
This friends of mine from Idaho are in desperate need
of a place to dump their toxic potato peelings,
and they're prepared to pay
a princely price for the privilege.
Tell the Emperor what we are going to give him, David.
Handbags from Goose 'n' Boizee,
each stuffed with unmarked bills,
plus a lifetime supply of useless toiletries
-and a brand new car! -[all cheering]
So, what's a little toxic waste between friends,
don't you agree with me, Emperor Fred?
Highness, the peelings from those radioactive potatoes
could contaminate everybody in the community.
A minor detail like that
shouldn't stand in the way of progress.
You environmentalists are all alike.
Don't you realize you'd be risking the life
of every adorable animal working in this cartoon?
Of course I realize it,
that's my job, I'm the villain, remember?
Oh, well, that explains his motivation.
It's a question of unbridled greed
versus public welfare, Your Excellency.
Right, we all stand to make big bucks here,
so we can't let our minds be clouded by a bunch
of stupid environmental issues like survival of the species.
[stork] We sure got the right guy lobbying for us.
[crocodile] Yeah, I think our bribery is paying off.
We'll see about that,
the show ain't over 'till the final credits roll.
[narrator] Later that night, on a slow boat from Idaho...
[stork] So far so good,
but things aren't moving fast enough.
What do you think? Maybe we should give the Big Cheese
a little more leverage to work with.
And we've got just the thing,
with this behind you, you can be the emperor!
Hmm! Wow, is that--
A nuclear potato! I'm sure you'll use it wisely.
[evil laughter]
[Speedy] The Big Cheese with a nuclear potato?
That combination isn't just all grotten, it's all rotten.
[narrator] Having been handed the potato,
the Big Cheese ponders how best to use it.
The first thing I'll do
is French fry those pesky Samurai Pizza Cats,
then I'll flatten the city
into a 20 mega ton potato pancake.
Great, Big Cheese, but have you found anybody
stupid enough to transport this boat for you, yet?
Of course I have! He's the perfect choice!
He has an IQ of minus 47.
[Bad Bird] I understand you're looking for a volunteer, boss.
I'd consider it a great honor to transport the nuclear potato
-for you, sir. -[Big Cheese sneers]
[sneers] Little does he know
that I have evil plans of my own.
I'll use that radioactive root prop
to power-wall the Pizza Cats,
then I'll melt down the Big Cheese as well.
Then I'll be the only star left on the show.
[menacing music]
[narrator] The bad boys from Boizee have landed,
and are unloading great gobs of glitzy grandeur
to give to the Emperor.
Amidst the cargo, we spy an innocent looking wooden box.
[someone in the crowd] Would it be?
Pretty impressive pile of stuff, huh?
Just the usual unethical bribery for the Emperor.
I wonder what's in that innocent looking wooden box?
Unless I've been reading the wrong script,
it's the nuclear potato.
Yes, I'm holding. Yep.
Come on, Pizza Cats, why doesn't one of you answer?
[narrator] At the Pizza Cats' parlor
there's a frantic flurry of fur,
as our favorite felines fearlessly fling themselves
into the fray!
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats ♪
♪ They make great pizza But that ain't all ♪
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats ♪
♪ They're ready to fight When you need them just call ♪
♪ They know how to stop crime Just do what they say ♪
♪ If you don't want a bad time Stay out of their way ♪
♪ Oh I love those cats Samurai Pizza Cats ♪
♪ The heroes Who always wear fur ♪
[Pizza Cats theme continues]
♪ Oh, I think I have a fur ball ♪
[Francine] Eeny meeny miny moe, which way should our heroes go?
Ready to open launch door. On the mark. Mark!
[on speaker] Samurai Pizza Cats, take it to the sky!
S-A-M-U-R-A-I!
Are they awesome? Well, I guess,
Samurai Pizza Cats, yes, yes, yes!
Blast off! [soft shot]
[cheerful music]
Mama-san, what do they call that thing
they shoot the cats out of?
I'm not sure, but I think they call it a catapult.
Oh boy, I'm glad I didn't have to say that line.
[Speedy] We've got to find that hot potato!
[Polly] What do we look for? A trail of melted butter?
[narrator] The people of Little Tokyo stare in wonder
at the awesome parade of gifts being offered to their Emperor
in exchange for turning their city
into a dumpsite for toxic potato peelings.
[Speedy] Ok, you two,
keep your eyes peeled for that potato!
It could be in any one of those treasure chests.
Or in that innocent looking wooden box.
[Polly] No way, that's too obvious, even for cartoons!
[narrator] Bad Bird's evil plan hinges on his belief
that the Emperor isn't the only one
whose greedy instincts can be influenced by expensive gifts.
By showering the braver with cheap imitations
of prestigious consumer goods,
he creates a stampede of citizens
spurred into a self-serve shopping frenzy.
Oh boy! Let's go shopping, the potato can wait!
Very clever, while everybody is distracted,
they're sneaking away with the potato!
[narrator] Indeed, it would appear
that Bad Bird's insidious scheme
to gain control of the nuclear potato
has worked to perfection.
[Bad Bird laughs] My insidious scheme
has worked to perfection!
[Speedy] You outsmarted yourself this time, Bad Bird!
And I'm amazed you have enough brains to do that!
[Guido] Guess who?
[Bad Bird] Who else would carry an umbrella
on such a beautiful day? It's Guido Anchovy!
That's right!
Looking for a fight, are you? Make my day, [kiss] ok?
I'm your worst nightmare come true!
-You know what we want. -[Bad Bird] What?
-[all together] The potato! -[Bad Bird] Oh yeah?
Your services are no longer required,
I'm the star of the show now,
and there's only room for one star!
So, I'm going to cancel your contracts!
[screaming]
[Bad Bird screaming and grunting]
[Polly] Speedy, look down there!
They are getting away with the potato.
Can you two handle them?
-Got it covered. -There's only seven of them.
[grunting softly]
[crows screaming]
[fighting and struggling]
It's you and me, one on one! [screams]
You got it, budgie brain, let's do it.
[both screaming]
Catch!
[explosion]
[screams] Take that! And that, and that, and that, and that!
I'm running out of that and that,
I better think of something else.
[Bad Bird screaming] [swords clanking]
Right away, have you read any good books lately?
[Speedy grunting]
Hey! Time out.
You robots don't just stand there,
it's time to do your thing, mow them down!
Hey, those guys aren't even human.
Well, of course not, they're cartoons like us!
[Bad Bird] But the real secret of their success is the fact
that they're powered by nuclear potatoes,
and that makes them indestructible! [laughs]
We're open for any suggestions you might have for us, Speedy.
What would Clint Eastwood do in a situation like this?
[Speedy] I've got to think of a funny punch line.
Eh, let's see now.
Ha ha, I got one! Listen to this.
I'm going to hit you on the nose
and make it bleed if you don't say "Uncle!"
How about that?
I somehow can't imagine Clint Eastwood saying that.
Maybe he meant Arnold Schwarzenegger.
-[all shouting] -[Speedy] Look out, you guys,
it's the old ring-around-the-collar trick.
[Polly and Guido screaming]
-[Speedy] Making a U-turn... No, it's my turn!
[thud]
-[Speedy moans] -[laughing]
I'm the boss around here now!
You think so, huh? [meows]
[samurai screams]
[Bad Bird] A-ha! Try again, Speedy, you missed.
-[Speedy] Oh, yeah? -[loud thud]
[all cheering]
[Speedy] Hey, wait a minute, what's going on?
[narrator] What Speedy didn't realize
is that by chopping the robots in two,
all he did was double the trouble.
[screaming]
[narrator] Is this the end of the Pizza Cats,
after only seven episodes?
Come on gang, all together now!
[narrator] Wait a minute, guys, let's think about this!
[sword swishing] [narrator] That might not
have been the smartest thing in the world to do, Speedy.
Don't you remember what happened the last time
you chopped them up? Yeah, well, too late now.
[screaming]
[narrator] Nothing can save the Pizza Cats now!
We can't even fade out for a station break,
we've run out of commercials!
What do we do now? Where's our writer?
[Polly and Guido] Off on a coffee break.
[all grunting]
[screaming]
[grunting]
[screaming]
[laughing evilly] I'm going to win the award
for the meanest villain of the year!
-[yawns] I could get more sleep. -[whispering] Francine...
calling Francine.
[bell jingling]
This sounds like a job for Super Spritz.
[Francine on speaker] I have an emergency call
for Spritz the Cat. Oh, hi
Spritz, the Pizza Cats are having trouble
down at the docks, they need you!
-Right! -Please, fasten your seatbelt
bring your seat to a full upright position,
and pull up your dinner tray.
[narrator] Will Spritz be able to get there in time
to save the Pizza Cats?
[screaming]
Right, the next episode,
this series is going to be called The Bad Bird Show.
[laughs]
[animated music]
[Spritz] Never fear, Super Spritz is here!
[laughs]
Hey Spritz! We've got a little problem here,
with these indestructible robots!
[Spritz] Mm-hmm! This will dampen their spirits.
[water spraying]
[robots screaming]
[narrator] The sea water
short-circuits the nuclear robots
and blows their fusions.
Hey! What's going on here?
[crows screaming]
[crow] Tell make-up to stand by with the hair dryer!
[shouting] Save the potato!
[screaming]
This is definitely not one of my better days!
Ok, get camera three in place for the Ginzu sword sequence,
let's have a big finish!
[powerful sound]
[narrator] Even though it was Spritz the Cat
who defeated the robots and saved the day, Speedy
is the hero who negotiated the lucrative merchandising deal
for the Samurai Pizza Cats: running shoes, t-shirts,
lunch boxes and executive desk sets.
So we have a contractual commitment
to make a big fuss over him like this in every episode.
Bear with us folks, it's big business.
[soft buzzing]
We are the Samurai Pizza Cats! [screams]
[all screaming]
[narrator] So, the nuclear spud turns out to be a dud.
[samurai scream]
-And justice triumphs again! -[Guido and Polly] Ta-da!
[narrator] Later that evening, in the pagoda of the Big Cheese,
our villain seems to have yet another half-baked idea
Let's see what's cooking.
[Big Cheese] Look at that hot potato.
[narrator] What's this?
The Big Cheese has another nuclear potato?
I'll figure out a way to get it away from him, just watch.
[foreboding music]
A-ha!
Too bad we don't have any sour cream. Oh well!
Ah, yes, that microwave we got from the Idaho boys is great!
I suppose it's alright,
but I still wish it had the brownie unit.
Shooks, it wasn't a nuclear, it was just a common tater.
[sobbing and crying loudly]
[narrator] And so we've come to the end of another adventure
with our heroes, Speedy, Polly and Guido,
but they'll be back with another episode,
unless, of course, they get a better offer
from another producer.
We are just waiting to hear from our agent
about a big movie deal.
[narrator] That's where you have to wear the turtle costumes,
right?
On the next...
Pizza Cats!
[narrator] Guido finds himself falling head over heels
for a beautiful girl from the other side of town.
News of this makes Polly upset, to say the least.
Meanwhile the Big Cheese is trying out his costume
for the part he has in Little Tokyo's
Macho Man production ofWomen on the Edge,
when, for no reason we've been able to figure out,
Guido's gorgeous girl stumbles in on the Big Cheese,
embarrassing him completely.
Cheese decides he must get back at the girl,
and sends a sinister robot to do the deed.
The Pizza Cats decide to fly into action
and try to stop the robot's heavy handed tactics.
Will the Pizza Cats be able to save the girl in time?
[sword swishing] [animated music]
[narrator] Will Guido finally settle down and fall in love?
Will the Big Cheese ever learn to walk in high heels?
Find out next time inKind of a Drag,
on the nextSamurai Pizza Cats, the heroes who always--
Well, you know...
[narrator] Ladies and gentlemen,
the Samurai Pizza Cats Fan Club Oath.
"The Pizza Cats are samurai, and I'd like to note
their antics take your breath away
like fur balls in your throat.
We kittens are a special breed, we never call retreat.
Whenever Big Cheese knocks us down,
we land upon our feet.
[narrator] So hail to thee, oh Pizza Cat.
Please ring your little bell.
Although you may be pen and ink, we know you'll fight like...
Pizza Cats!"
[closing theme song]
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats ♪
♪ We hope you liked the show It's the best that we could do ♪
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats ♪
♪ If you could do better Then we'd leave it up to you ♪
♪ Just a reminder You might like to know ♪
♪ The cats will be back for another big show ♪
♪ Ha ha ha, oh gosh ♪
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats ♪
♪ They're fighting crime Oh yes, all over town ♪
♪ Two, four, six, eight Why do we expectorate? ♪
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats ♪
♪ Read all the credits so you'll know who did the work ♪
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats ♪